Music of the Blog - Cascada - What Hurt The Most (Candlelight Mix)

Venue of the Blog - In the Room

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I was in the bus on my way back home from Arjiette's Step Class when suddenly there was a flashback of last month incident.

Now the flashback this time was;

What will happen to me if I am not strong enough when I'm fought back?

What will the end result be?

I was stunned and kinda sweat worrying about the things that I shouldn't think about it already.

It was really depressing enough that I finally messaged to one of my good lil buddy that I've been chatting with these days, and he has his comfort words for me to calm down. I prayed in my heart that never want to let this happen that will affect my whole life, of which it is already affected my entire life.

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That's right...at any days within this year I do have the siao-est that I encounter. Today I guess it was the Siaooooooooooo-est day that I had to go through.

1) Was in the train for my journey to work; standing next to me was a pregnant malay lady and sitting down in front of us was 2 old aunties, another pregnant women and a mid age 'ah pek' guy. In my inner-self, I was feeling to tell the ah pek to get his ass out of the seat and let the standing pregnant lady to be seated.

By the way, behind them was a glass with the signage that mentioned priority for old folks, pregnant ladies, blind people, handicapped and those with children and the best part of all is the signage said 'Aren't You Courteous'? To me for this ah pek, courteous my ass.

2) Since yesterday I met up with Still for dinner at Robert Harris Cafe and already spend $$ just on travelling and dinner with him. This afternoon during my lunch, I had lunch with him again at Zen Pavilion KL and again I already spend $$. Overall, it's $$$$ that already fly away. Now I have to really tighten up my belt.

3) Today am about to take the monorail that was suppose to go to KL Sentral when a flocks of crowds were rushing in into the train, and inside the train it was already jam pack with peoples, truely packed like sardine.

At my previous experienced, I had this situation happened, with additional that few young girls were rudely cutting my que and were rudely squeezing me out of the way when I'm trying to get in, and so I fedup, using my elbow, knock and bang one of the rude girl and my way out off the train (and apparently I heard a loud OUCH from her..serve her right).

I made my way to the other side, where it leads to Bukit Nenas so that I can take the LRT nearby there, which is even less crowd. Call me a bitch or ass hole, but I just don't give a damm on what they think about me, besides, I think they themselves should think twice before start calling people a bitch or ass hole as they are apparently a true bitch and ass hole to create a inconvenient scene.

As for this one, since it was jam pack, I have decided to go to the other side again, and that's when I bump into my collegues James and Azrin, as they had just finished dinner and was making their way back home to the same direction as I'm going as well.

In the train it was not too bad, not really pack. Except to the part when I reach my destination and I need to make my move, there are too many obstruction going on from my position to the door, and people in between were not moving their ass off and were kinda don't whether to decide to go down or not.

I've been keep saying "excuse me" "excuse me" until the main door and there I saw 3 ladies who was still seated by the door site who only then make their way out, and again, obstructing the way out. In addition to that, the guy was also blocking the door, despite hearing me saying 'excuse me'. As the door was about to be shut, I quickly push the guy aside so that I could get out of there without getting 'ham chim peng'. Once outside, I gave him a Fark Off stares, and leave the place.

Apparently, I just don't know why I have a Farking Day going on today.

Now what the Fark is going on?

Yeah...for those who has my MSN Messenger, as of 3rd October I have put up this words into my MSN title. Few friends of mine now got shocked till they will have to think twice when making an appointment with me. This is what really happen till I have to decide this way.

While I was on my way back to KL from Singapore, good friend of mine text me and asked me if I could meet up for dinner on Wednesday night, as he will be in PJ area for his haircut. Of course I would say yes, and dinner is not a problem. So we set an appointment for dinner on wednesday night. From time to time prior to the dinner, he keep remind me about the dinner, scared that I will ffk. In fact, I don't, coz promise is a promise.

On Wednesday day time, he reminded me again and again as if I'm going to forget about it. Just an hour prior to that, I was on my way back home already, wanted to get my rest before going out for dinner with him when he called me that he has finished his haircut and now on his way to IKEA with his friends for dinner and ask me whether I could meet him up at IKEA.

Meaning to say, he was expecting me to travel all the way to IKEA just to meet him up for less an hour dinner and then go back home. I rejected his request due to reason it was really late for me to go out to that place and then coming back home in less than an hour for dinner.

After that call, I then really pissed off with this kind of action. I just don't like the idea like this. I texted him back and told him 'THIS IS PART OF THE REASON WHY I NEVER LIKE TO CONFIRM AN APPOINTMENT OR MEETING WHEN THINGS ARE NOT REALLY CONFIRM!'. He then replied me an apology sms and hope I don't get mad. I then replied him one last message before I call it a GOODNIGHT. 'PERHAPS YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN WHAT I HAD JUST GONE THRU AND NOW IT HAPPEN TO ME AGAIN IN LESS THAN A WEEK..FOR NOW, I WILL NO LONGER TRUST IN APPOINTMENTS AND CONFIRMATIONS'.

He then proposed to meet up again this saturday night for dinner, of which I have now decided that all plans and decisions are all up to me, whether I want to go or not, IT'S ALL UP TO ME. Despite any confirmations with 100% assurance that it's confirm, I'll decide whether I should go for it or not. Perhaps I have been Mr Nice Guy too long till this thing can happen to me often. NO LONGER APPLICABLE FOR MR NICE GUY!! NOW MR SARCASTIC WILL TAKE OVER THE ROLE!! THAT'S RIGHT...I'M A BEEYATCH

SO FRIENDS, BOOK ME FOR AN APPOINTMENT AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Tips:
1) If you think that you can't make it at time of wanting to make an appointment, it is better not to set up an appointment at all to avoid any disappointment from another party.

2) If I initiate an appointment, usually it's safe, so you may start to relieve yourself.(Disclaimer; this may not happen if there's unexpected event like bad weather, fall sick or overtime at work)

--AFTER EFFECT--
Good friend got back to me and asked me about this Saturday. At first I am free to meet him up for dinner, but since this happens, I have my impromptu plan, of which is my weekend trip in Malacca. This time am looking forward to visit the Jonker Street, friends telling me that the night market there was quite nice, of which I better check it out. In this blog, I guess the keyword here is PRIORITY. You know what I'm saying, don't cha?

My brother bought this VCD and he watched them first when he was in KL for his holiday. Before he went back, he left it for me to watch since I'll be going back to my hometown for my weekend vacation. On one of the night, I watched it....and...................and...........................and...................................DAMM IT'S WAS VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY TOUCHING AND NICE!!!!! Kudos to the young boy and the labrador for their great talent in acting.

Really recommend to everyone. By the way, prepare yourself with a box of Kleenex or Scotts, coz you will need them at some part of the story.

Am not angry. Am just frustrated, disappointed and upset with that kind of news. Been a year plus didn't meet up at least for yamcha but you still able to meet up for outing, for yamcha, and even for photo shoots. I don't know what other reason/excuses you may come up. I'm just tired to go thru with this dejavu invitation..'next time we meet up yamcha..next time we meet up for outing'...

Might as well I get myself more busier until I don't have time to go back hometown. As simple as that, so that next time if you want to meet me up, you have to make an appointment just to meet me. Now that's really simple, if you want it that way.

Yesterday I almost had fever because of the changes of temperature. Probably I've been in and out the malls and thanks to the weather as well. Friend of mine send me this e-card, learning that I've been sneezing terrible and I almost down with fever.

"Get well soon, my dearest Aaron. Your smiles can conquer the whole world. Recover soon to bring joy to the world!'

Love,

xxxxx"

Aawwwww...thank you so much....so sweet of you.

It is the day when we, as children, remember the greatest love that we ever had since we were born and if it wasn't because of them, we are nobody at all.

Normally during these occassion, the shopping malls around Malaysia are all bombarded with discounts and special offer in conjunction to this special day. No matter how much we are going to buy those special items for the special one on the special day, I do believe that there is only one thing that your special one will always hope for, always. Love from their own children towards a mother.

Anyway, some children will get to celebrate this special event with their mums at home, lunch or dinner, outings or shoppings. I somehow envy some people that they get to celebrate this together with their family, coz I'm all alone while my family are all in hometown. Some friends of mine had asked me if I'm going back to KK for Mother's Day. Well..I wished I could. Actually I could. Excuses is, I'll be going back to my hometown by end of this month due to my cousin's wedding (And I have yet to receive the music sheets from my sister..Big Bummer.....yeah...I'm becoming an honorary pianist for my cousin's wedding). I'm not in a budget to go back that frequent though, although last month AirAsia offer free seats.(Finally, I got myself a trip to Bangkok...Yipeee~~!)

Hhmmm....glance back at what we did during Mother's Day. Back in my hometown, as Mother's Day falls on the 2nd Sunday of May, we did handicraft, self handmade (and a bit help from our Sunday School teacher's help) and we are to present them to our mum to show our sincerity and love as children.

Last year 2004, I did something spectacular, as if I'm one of the biggest star on that particular Sunday (despite being a pianist for English service although I already played for Chinese service and it was all last minute preparation and practice before the service begin. During the performance, they have 3 people performing, and I'm one of them, representing the Youth (Suppose to sing with Yap zai, but I end up becoming one-man-show).

I performed Josh Groban's You Raised Me Up in the church with me singing solo while playing piano in Elton John's style. A lot of members actually complimented me, but I think I'm really glad that I manage to touched a person's heart that time. My mum. She almost cried when I played and sang that song in the church.

In the year 2005 was the year when I leave my hometown for good, and that was the first time I got separate from having any occassions like this. It was the same day when Malaysian Idol 2nd season audition were held at Times Square. On that day I attended the audition and had sang Josh Groban's 'You Raised Me Up' and Unknown Artist's 'I Got The Music In Me'. While waited outside, the media had asked us to say something as a special message to mum. And I did, and I sang that song, short version though. Not sure whether it was up on screen at that time or not.

As of today, although I'll be back at the end of the month, I'll like to dedicate this blog to my mama, and also my grandma (she's a mother what).

'Your arms were always open when I needed a hug. Your heart understood when I needed a friend. Your gentle eyes were stern when I needed a lesson. Your strength and love has guided me and gave me wings to fly.

HAPPY MAMA's DAY, Mum. Love you always.

Your son,

Aaron

I now realise who really understand me and who don't

I realise who really care for me and who don't

I know who love me and who don't

I know who is willing to forgive and forget and who don't

And that will make me realise if you are truely FIT to be my friend or lover, or not.

Quite discotheque type of song. But the only main reason that I love this song is it has a special message inside that touched me, despite that the music was quite disco. Pay attention to the lyrics, especially the chorus and you will know what I mean.

Sometimes it feels great to care for someone, but do they really care about you? Sometimes it feels wonderful when you help someone who is in need, but when you are in trouble, did that person help you out? Sometimes it's romantic when you love someone, but is that someone loving you back without any expectation?

Apparently, that's what am feeling right now, up-to-today, I know who cares, who is a true friend, who is a lovely person, and who don't have the above.

Last saturday I went back to office just to settle one more coaching session with one of the collegue, and had borrowed one of my collegue's car for an outing to Ikano with Andersen (apparently he has just finished his SPM and was in KL to attend an interview..I can't say more unless if he allow me to say it out). I got lost when I was driving to his place to fetch him and took me about almost an hour just to get the right place. Then went to Ikano as he wanted to buy a belated birthday gift to his 'girl'friend.

When we arrived there, the first place we headed to is Dome as we both haven't ate a thing since morning, and I am definitely super hungry like a wolf. I had Catch of the Day with Iced Lemon Tea while I recommended him a Chicken pie with mushroom and veggies. We had great time to talk about hometown, music, and guys stuff. Oo, I treat him a meal because he scored a good result for his SPM.

Next thing, we headed to Euphony Musical Shop, he wanted to look at the drumsticks while I was surveying the keyboards (just in time that my mum and I spoken about it that night as she plan to buy it for my sister....mum, I also want a keyboard worr..HAHAHA)..had played 2 of my composition to Andersen, and he was commenting the same thing. 'Sounds like japanese'.

Next thing we went is the Curve, hunting for a gift for his 'girl'friend. We then ended buying a crystal sparkling apple shape earring that cost RM50 per pair. It's worth to buy it coz it's simple and yet beautiful to be put on a girl's ear. Next thing we went is the Ikea. Wow, the bed frame that I've been eyeing for now only cost RM129. I'm going to buy that bed probably next month. Time for a change for me and for my own good.

After that we bought ourself Ikea ice cream and headed back to car park, and that's where the problem starts. Initially, when I left the car, I left the lights on as earlier on it was heavy rain and I have no choice but to switch on the light for better safety.

My bad, my mistake, my fault. Because of this stupid act, I have created a problem. Apparently at that point of time, I can't start the engine. Checked the battery and it was above the metal line, checked the black oil, still available. Petrol, shown yellow light but still above the red dot. Basically there is totally no problem. That's when I start to call my friends for help. The owner of the car was worried terrible and I felt so sorry to her for disrupting her work (Sorry Puni...really my bad). Well, after going thru with all commotion, I then decided to look for the security guard to help out with the idea of getting the car started. According to him, the best way to start the car is to jump-start the car, and they do have the cable. Now the only problem is, they need to find another car to borrow their battery strength to charge on the car that I drove. Big problem for that time is, no one at nearby my place is actually coming to get their car and go off, so I have no choice but to seek help from my x-collegue (Thanks Shawn).

Last night was suppose to attend D gathering dinner at SS2, and I have to get Shawn to come over to Ikano just to help me out jumpstart the car. Apparently, there are still friends who still help out no matter what happen. I called up my collegues, include the owner of the car and asked for their advices, and then to some of my friends. There are some totally cool and they are really helpful (Once again, thanks).

After charge a while, then the car manage to start, so I then thank Shawn for helping me out, and then left Ikea, send Andersen back home, and again, got myself lost somewhere inside Aman Suria and then went over to KPV and get the car filled up with petrol (as promised to my collegue) and then drive her car to her place and parked there and pass the key to her friend. But before I do that, when I turn off the car, I waited for 2 minutes, then switch it on back, and it was doing good. Phew~~That saves my collegue's $$.

But just that, after hearing what my collegue told me about her friends not helping her out, this make me think. Apparently I was not suppose to think too much, but then, sometimes I do have to think about it coz this also applies not only to myself, but to most of my friends. This question really have to ask yourself. I know what I am doing and I am doing my part and I am not expecting any return unless if you wanted to.

Therefore, whatever you do for your friends, are you expecting any return from them? Think carefully.

Been thru an exhaustation moments..on both work and personal life. Sometimes am still thinking if this place is the right place for me to work? It gives me a lot of bad moments compare to my own hometown.

Should I reconsider to move on elsewhere? Either at hometown or elsewhere, somewhere out there? Perhaps it will be best if I could go to the place where I don't have to suffer myself with the exhaustation challenges.

This is what you will call life..the way how you need to build yourself up to become strong not only for yourself, but also for your innerself. Was there something maybe I lack off?